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YOUNG GUNS BLAST OLD TIMERS AGAIN

Dec 26/02

The balance of power seems to have shifted as the Guns blasted the Oldies for the second straight year, by a score of 11 - 6 in the sixth annual alumni game.  It was a game that followed the same pattern as last year as the Guns blew six pucks past Jeremy Kwasny in the first period and then coasted to the victory.  Kwaz wasn't up to his usual form and the first period onslaught proved too large to overcome despite the best efforts of his teammates.  No doubt, that redoubtable duo, Black and Quack (Duck) would point to the fact that their late appearance on the ice was instrumental in a 3 - 0 deficit that was difficult for the Oldies to overcome.

A number of early trash talkers, most notably, "Two Pitchers" Schuler, J. R. Shaffer and his bro Adam, didn't show - obviously realizing that their bodies wouldn't be able to cash the cheques their mouths had written.  All in all, it was an enjoyable game for the players and their families which gathered to relive the glory days.  David Collins was the only multiple scorer on this day.  Other scorers for the Guns were: Reid "Coach" McCauley, Lee "Golly gee" Stewart, Colin "Smooth" Walker, Chris Pekrul, Andy Baron, Mike Klassen, Derek "Two Lines" MacDonald, Shooter Meadows, and Taylor Peck.   Goaltending was ably provided by Shawn "Money" McNall, and Jeremy "Worm" Palanuik.  Gord "Ulfie" Burnett quietly made everyone look good with 3 assists from his defensive position.   The scoring outburst by Two Lines, when added to his 2 assists in the game, would have been a half year production for him when he skated with the Big Blue.  Maybe being off skates for a year has helped him. 

Scoring for the Oldies was handled by Coach Black, Justin Duck, Jamie Burgess, Darren Boldt, Shea Van Luven, and Scott Hunter.  Coach Black complained bitterly after the game to anyone who would listen, and not many did, that the ice was in terrible condition.  It seems that the ingenious icemaker is able to make the ice so that it is uphill both ways, just for Mark.

Both teams retired to the nearest watering hole for sustenance and a lengthy discussion on the way the game was played.  Next year - next year - next year was all that could be heard from the camp of the Oldies.  
 

Happy New Year Everyone.

Alumni News Flash

Dec 17/02
 

J. R. Shaffer, goal scoring sensation of the 1999 - 2000 Provincial Champion Rangers has indicated that he will be playing in the alumni game this year provided that he doesn't have to play with Mike Klassen as a line-mate.  "Mike is getting a little older and he has slowed down a step or two and I don't want him holding me back" said J. R. in a telephone interview.  "As well, would someone please tell former Coach Justin Duck that the beer is for after the game, not before".   Organizers contacted Klassen who was pleased with the suggested line change.  "Shaff-dog is so short that I keep hitting him in the belly with those low slap shots I take from the blue line" said Klassen.  "Of course, he is so seldom in front of the net, that I guess it isn't a major problem.  As far as keeping up with him, he is usually cherry picking at the opposition blueline, so no-one can keep up with him."  (Mike scored the winning goal in the latest game between the Capitals and the Assiniboia Rebels.) 
On a more professional note, Chris Pekrul, currently playing with the Pat C's  has indicated he will be pleased to come out and show the old boys what happens when you combine skill and effort; and Trevor Flory, (1994 -95), a big bruising defenceman who never could get his sports of football and hockey clearly separated has indicated he will be playing this year.   

Dec 14

The Rangers Alumni Association is pleased to announce that they have been successful in arranging the appearance of Issac "Two Pitchers" Schuler at the Alumni game this year.  "Two Pitchers" played with last years City Finalist team, and has been able to work out his extensive social schedule so that he can attend this years extravaganza.  "The ladies will just have to spend the afternoon without me." he said at the press conference announcing his participation.  "It will be an honor to help the Young Guns teach a little respect to those Old Timers like Coach Black.  "Like Bruce Springstein,   Coach Black is always re-living those "Glory Days", although I understand that he and Justin "Hoopi" Duck are the only Ranger alumni never to have played on the winning team in the annual game.  There has got to be a message there."   When contacted for a response, Coach Black said "Yea, talk's cheap, but good whiskey cost money.  When the puck drops, I am going to make TP look silly."   Obviously the competitive juices of players on both teams are starting to flow.   Stay tuned for further reports on this annual event.          

Alumni News:

The Time for Tom-Foolery Has Come

Dec 10

The sixth annual Ranger alumni game is almost upon us and as always the response has been great. In fact alumni organizers have begun pondering the possibility of introducing perhaps a tournament format since the two-team format is almost not enough. As always the game will be held Boxing Day at 3:30 with perhaps a few refreshments to follow after the game. The "Old Timers" are looking for revenge after an 11-7 defeat at the hands of the "Young Guns" last year.

No word yet if any players shall be making the jump to the "Old Timers" this year although Alumni King Pin, Fred McBeth has said that rigorous testing shall be taking place before any switching shall be decided. When asked to elaborate on this "rigorous testing", Fred replied "Well for instance when tying up their skates, if any player can touch their laces on the first try, they are disqualified from playing for the "Old Timers". Or if any player has not increased their playing weight by at least 25 pounds, they are also ineligible. We run a tight ship, no one is going to slip through the cracks, especially the old guys, they can’t slip through anything anymore."

As well what alumni game would be complete without a little trash talking. This year is no different and the war of the words is on. The conclusion has been reached that many of the "Old Timers" need to get their trashing out before the commencement of the game because during the game they are too busy just trying to catch their breath. Here are some of the comments that have surfaced as we near the big day:

Justin "Moose" Duck had these words "I am hungry for a win or maybe just a cheeseburger. Actually I think both. Anyway this year I have a few scores to settle. Reid will pay, he thinks that he can fill my coaching shoes, well come the 26^th, it will be me taking him to school for a free lesson by   way of an elbow!"

McCauley shot back, "Ah, Duck’s all talk or more appropriately quack. The only way he’ll keep up to me is if I wear my skate guards and don’t tie up my skates. The hardware is staying with the boys who are still young enough to read what is written on the trophy!"

Warren "Worm" Orban offered this jab "Last year, we came, we saw, we trashed Sutherland. And then he didn’t even play. What a chicken! But what can you expect from a Leafs fan? Maybe we will be lucky enough to have the old man suit up this year. Either way, I foresee the Cup staying with the non-geritol team."

Darren "DC" Carlson got in on the fun, "I predict that we will take the old guys not only on the ice but off as well. They just can’t compete with us. It is actually a little embarrassing for the boys. But we’ll leave them with their memories and light beer. I also predict a hat trick for a member of the young guns."

Scoots McBeth replied "These young punks don’t even know what it takes to win anymore. Have you been to a rink lately? They are too lazy to even carry their bag, now they have wheels on them! They should just pray that Mommy remembers to pack all their equipment because we are getting back to Old Time Hockey! I’ll respond to Carlson's challenge by saying that I am planning on breaking 3 sticks in the game by donating free back massages. That is my kind of hat trick."

Even Rockin’ Rodge from Edmonton gave this response "It’s no Celine Dion concert but the alumni game certainly is something I look forward all year. I am really working hard to be in good shape for this years game, my abtronic has never worked harder!"

As can be concluded by the messages above, there is definitely some bad blood brewing which should make for an exciting game of hockey. Any other alumni   that would like to add their two cents can do so via email to Fred. Comments shall be posted as received, stay tuned for more trash talking as the rivalry heats up again.

YOUNG GUNS BLAST OLD TIMERS

Dec 26, 2001

The Alumni Old Timers didn't realize that this year when they heard the words "Out with the old and in with the new", that the words would relate to their string of  4 straight victories, and that this year, the champs would be the Young Guns.  By the time that Curtis Lax scored the first Old Timers goal at the 12:03 mark of the first period, the Guns were up 7 - 0.  One might assume that the Old Timers goaltender was having a bad day - such was not the case.   By this time, Shawn McNall, had seem more rubber than Inspector 49 at a Trojan factory, and it didn't get any better.  
The onslaught was started by Warren Orban, who scored two unassisted goals in the first 5 minutes, one on a nice drop pass from Justin Duck.  The problem, of course, was that Justin was playing for the Oldies and it was his only point of the day.  J. R. Shaeffer sandwiched two goals around a snapper by Bill Ready and the rout was on.  Orban and Shaeffer had done a lot of trash talking leading up to the contest but as they say, "It isn't bragging if you can actually do it", and they could actually do it.  Slammin' Sammy Park dented the twine before Bill Ready scored his second and Joey Myers blasted in a long slapshot to complete an 8 goal first period for the Guns.  Todd "Sweetness" Boldt scored at the 4:16 mark for the Oldies and the period ended with the
Guns up 8 - 2. 

To their credit, once the Oldies ramped up their game to the speed level of the Guns, they held their own, but it was too late to win the game and only some respect was at stake.  Hard working Mike Klassen, with  a single and Darren Carlson with a pair closed out the scoring for the Guns.  Keenan Moroz had a pair for the Oldies and singles were scored by Sheldon Spackman (who motored in from Swift Current for the event),  fashion leader Kurt "Rambis" Bechtoldt, and Ronway "Cagey" Knauss, who was out-pointed by his son 2 - 1 but scored the sole family goal.    Final score Guns 11 - Oldies 7.

In looking for answers, it would be easy to point to obvious things like the sudden and uncharacteristic demise of the Mac - Black - Quack line, who were scoreless and playing for the Oldies this year; or the re-uniting of the "Cap Gun" line  comprised of Carlson - Shaeffer and Klassen (the highest scoring line of the Provincial championship year of 1999) who powered the Guns with 5 goals.  But in truth, finger pointing is not necessary.  The Oldies are a little older, the Guns were a lot younger and youth will have it's day.  Late into the night at a local bar, the Oldies played the "what-if" game......but although the beverages were cold and the company was great, the answers were not obvious.  Oh well, next year............

The TRADITION lives on........